


Were you ever actually in love with me?

by Virtuallyinlove



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Football, M/M, Real Madrid CF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 10:56:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10762842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Virtuallyinlove/pseuds/Virtuallyinlove
Summary: “Okay I'm gonna ask you something, were you ever actually in love with me?” Eric asks





	Were you ever actually in love with me?

**Author's Note:**

> Look at the end of the chapter for my notes.

_“Okay I'm gonna ask you something, were you ever actually in love with me?”_ Eric asks when they're sitting at the café. Dele looks at him, with a weird expression, he seems shocked somehow and answers _“Yes, I mean I certainly loved the idea of us. We just weren't right for each other”_ Dele looks right at Eric.

 _“Fuck you, how did you know that? You never tried to make it work with me.”_ Eric looks at Dele straight in the eyes, searching for signs of hope, anything, something. _“And you didn't even try, you moved in one day, and moved out the next, you didn't even unpack”_ Eric raises his voice.

 _“Look, I admit I handled that horribly, but I apologize for that,_ Dele says and reaches out to touch Eric who acts very distant. _“But that wasn't the problem”_

 _“Oh, you wanna know the problem? You are living in a nutshell, there is your problem.”_ Eric speaks up and continues when he sees the conciseness in Dele's eyes _“You, you, you quit. You run away, you don't take risks, ever.”_

_“What are you talking about? I moved in with you”_

_“No, no, no, Dele, the risk would have been trying to make it work, the risk would have been putting in the hard graft to make it work. I don't like to be seen as a coward, but you, are a coward.”_ Eric says and points his finger at Dele.

 _“Oh, I don't think that's fair. And I don't understand what hard graft means, but I don't think I've been a coward at all”_ Dele leans over the table.

 _“Well, I think the facts tells a very different story.”_ Eric laughs.

_“Would a coward have moved to a new city, got a new job, left everything behind?”_

Eric keeps laughing and says _“you basically moved football club, and you sure didn't run away, so what's next for Dele Alli, huh? When that doesn't work out for you, I bet you a million dollars that you are already looking for the next thing, you are, I know you and you are a coward. You were a coward for me. Here on earth, instead of trying to navigate through it, you slam your breaks, and you start crying running the other direction.”_ Eric speaks his heart out and thinks he might have talked too far when he sees the tears in Dele's eyes but remembers that his own feelings have been hidden inside his chest for way too long.

 _“Okay, I didn't come here to be nagged at or get us both upset”_ Dele tries but Eric is having none of it, _“So why did you come here in the first place? Honestly, and please, please don't use the team as an excuse.”_

 _“I came here to close a chapter, to see if we could move forward”_ Dele doesn't get to finish before Eric speaks up again _“to become friends, is that what you want? Do you, I mean do you really think that you and I could ever be friends?”_ Eric glares at Dele.

Dele with tears in his eyes looks down at the table and up at Eric again as he answers _“No, sadly. But do you honestly think we would have worked?”_ Dele asks the question that Eric have tried to be avoiding. But answers it anyways with tear filled eyes _“I would have liked if you were willing to give it a try.”_

Later when they are leaving the café, walking side by side, is when Eric decides to tell Dele his decision. _“Look I know a good job offer at Spurs if you are looking at transferring back”_ he begins and waits for Dele's reply _“I don't think….”_ Eric cuts him off by saying _“oh don't worry, I'm not gonna be there, I'm_ _going to move back to Portugal, I got a transfer there back to Sporting and I'_ _ve been missing my home a lot”_

 _“You are done with London?”_ Dele asks and searches for a confirmation in Eric's eyes. Then continues with _“Why are you doing this for me, I mean, seriously, after… everything?”_

 _“Because despite everything Dele, I just want you to be happy man”_ Eric admits.

 _“Why?”_ Dele always asks the most irrelevant questions.

 _“Why? Cuz I love you”_ Eric admits, _“look, don't stand there, come back and you can take that from someone who moves around to constantly avoid dealing with things, it never works but I think you know that already.”_ Eric says and without Dele responding he asks _“one last hug?”_ and pulls Dele close, kissing his cheek and then pecking his lips quickly before turning the other way towards the subway, never looking back.

Dele feels his heart shatter and lets out a sigh that he has been holding in for way too long, before looking around himself and walking towards a black taxi car.  

**FLASHBACK APRIL 2017**

Tottenham in the Premier League are at the moment in a strong form, to say the least, Dele agrees when he reads articles that some fans have spread all over twitter. It's all building up for their game against Bournemouth, would they get those three points at their home stadium and then have fingers crossed that Manchester United would win over Chelsea? Dele could only dream of the Premier League title, but in his heart, he believed that they could do it.

The days came faster, and the feeling of anxiousness grown bigger and bigger inside of Dele's chest. Dele was used to this feeling, it was something he had been through almost every day, in different situations. Dele didn't know how to deal with the feelings properly, and it drove him insane. If Dele could even count all the times he locked himself inside a toilet at their stadium before games whenever he was under a lot of pressure.

When the Saturday came it was one of those days when he was feeling empty inside, and couldn't control his hands from shaking. So he locked himself inside one of the toilets of the bathroom, with tears on his cheeks and his face buried deep in his hands.

His breath uneven, and his upper body bent so he was nearly curled up in the shape a ball. Dele had lost track of time because this was way too common for his liking and thinking he was late to the teams gathering with Poch's match tactics made him even more stressed out.

  _“Dele?”_ Eric's voice was heard through the wooden door that separated the two of them.  

_“Are you okay in there?”_

Dele sniffled before he apologized and said _“I'_ _ll be out in a second”_

He thought Eric had left when he a few minutes later opened the door to the stall, until someone pulled him into his embrace, and whispered: _“have you been crying?”_

 _“Eric, I… how do you know?”_ Dele asked with the tears immediately being back in his eyes.

 _“Your eyes are all red,”_ Eric said and pulled him closer, and it felt good for a change. Eric hugging him pulled all his broken pieces together. Dele felt whole _._

 

When the game began it was all in Tottenham's benefit, the first 15 minutes resulted in Tottenham had most of the possession and a big print that resulted in 1-0 through Mousa Dembélé. White Hart Lane exploded with screams of happiness and a song that Dele recognized, _“oh Mousa Dembélé”._ He wasn't too pleased with his own performance, as he didn't get on the score sheet, he got an assist for Harry Kane's goal. A 4-0 win should be enough, fantastic even but Dele walked to the car park with an emptiness in his stomach, a feeling of it being hard to breath.

 _“Not waiting for me?”_ Eric appeared beside him with his backpack over one of his shoulders and his phone in his right hand.

 _“I wasn't feeling well”_ Dele admitted.

And the look on Eric's face broke Dele's heart because he looked worried, and sad at the same time. _“Tell me what I can do Dele, I'm here for you”_

 _“You can't do anything,”_ Dele said, coldly before opening the door to the driving seat and drove off, leaving Eric on the pavement clueless of what he could do.

When Dele got to bed that evening, he felt like shit. He scrolled through his Twitter feed and started to compare himself with all the other players in his own team. Especially when Tottenham's own twitter account published a picture of Mousa Dembélé with his match stats. While he himself today had been described as _“his worst game this term was against Bournemouth where he accrued a score of -23.”_ Dele felt tears in his eyes, and could only think that depression really sucks sometimes.

He got three messages from Eric, they were all very personal. But only one specific made him feel something _. “Your feelings are valid. Remember that will you? I'm here when you're ready”._ Dele decided to reply with a simple red heart. A few minutes later he picked his phone up in his hand and typed on the screen, _“Can you please come over? I need you”_ Dele pressed send with a tear sliding down his cheek, a broken heart and a head full of dark thoughts.

Not even five minutes had passed until Dele heard knocks on his door, he got out of bed in his sweaters and a tank top. He could see Eric's figure through the blurred glass on the front door. He opened the door slowly and hugged Eric back when he had his arms around him. Dele began sobbing, and his knees were shaking. So Eric lifted him up and whispered supportive words in his ear. _"Hey, what's wrong? It's okay, it's okay, shh.”_

 _“I'm just never good enough Eric”_ Dele spoke, and everything he had held inside for so long, came out in the open, it came out between him and his best friend.

 __“Dele, that's not true. You know that. You'_ _re one of the most humble guys I know, and you have got an enormous talent, you gotta use it instead of pushing yourself down.”_ _ Eric's words suddenly began to make sense, and Dele decided to act out of his feelings. He pulled Eric closer to him, lying in the bed, their shoulders touching, their breaths uneven but both their hearts beating out of their chests, Dele intertwined his fingers with Eric's and kissed his temple. _“I'm sorry for leaving you behind at the car park, I was being rude, It wasn't fair when you're only trying to be there for me. I love you.”_

Eric lay on his side and put his finger under Dele's chin, which led to Dele also lying on his side. There they lay, face to face, and looked into each other's eyes. Before Eric noticed that Dele's eyes shifted from his eyes to his lips. There was Eric's confirm, the confirm that Eric could kiss him, so he leaned in and closed his eyes, Dele kissed him back and for the first time, nothing else mattered by the two of them being there together. 

**End of flashback**

A lot have happened since that time, two years of them keeping a long distance relationship, back and forth, but Eric remembered what had happened next, after their first kiss, just like it was yesterday... 

Dele had fallen asleep in Eric's arms, his head on Eric's chest and Eric's fingers in his hair. It had been so comfortable and Dele hadn't slept that well in a long time. When he woke up, he had felt rested. He looked at Eric, his lover, his best friend, and his soul mate.  

 _“Why are you looking at me like that?”_ Eric had asked with his eyes still being closed.

 _“You're beautiful when you sleep”_ Dele had answered.

Eric had kissed him and pulled Dele on top of him, hugged him and started kissing his neck, earning moans from Dele. So he had continued, licking, biting and sucking on his throat, resulting in a pinkish love bite just over Dele's collarbone.

 _“What are you doing? Why did you stop?”_ Dele had asked when Eric moved out of bed.

 _“We need breakfast”_ Eric had answered.

 _“You're such a tease,”_ Dele had said, with a stuttering breath. Eric had only smirked before walking out of Dele's bedroom in only his boxers. _“Oh god”_ Dele had spoken out loud before pulling on some football shorts and Eric's t-shirt, which resulted as a t-shirt dress on Dele because Eric literally had no sense of fashion and bought all of his clothes way too big and wide. But secretly Dele had loved it.

They had eaten their breakfast, Eric remembered, he cooked vegan pancakes and made tea for them both. He had treated Dele like he was made of glass, so fragile, so vulnerable. Later, they had settled on the bed again, cuddling. 

 _“Please, don't stop,”_ Dele had said, and sucked a bruise into Eric's neck, earning a moan from Eric, so pleasant for his ears to hear as Eric had moved deeper inside of Dele.

Messy kissing and sweating bodies moved together and it had been all too much for Dele to handle, more moaning had escaped his lips, they had interwoven their hands and Dele had begged for Eric to move faster. Eric had witnessed his lover's back arch and used his hand to rub his lover's erection, making it easier for him to come, and within a few seconds, repeating Eric's name, again and again, Dele had got his orgasm. It had been too much for Eric to handle so he came in the condom at the sound of his name and breathed into Dele's ear, before he pulled himself out of him and rolled off of him, laying right next to him on the bed.

 _“I love you,”_ Dele had said, the fondness in his voice had made Eric's heart swell ten times its size.

 _“I love you,”_ Eric had told him back, and pulled him on top of his chest, kissing Dele's forehead and drawing stuff on his beloved's back.

Their happiness didn't last long, only two months before Dele had got a transfer request from Real Madrid, a request he couldn't say no to. He had promised Eric that they would stay together, but it was all white lies, Eric remembered. Dele had talked to a therapist as well, but it had all built up to this, Eric moving back to Portugal, moving away from Dele who just had come back to London, but he did it to protect his heart. 

Eric packed his stuff in suitcases and thought that his and Dele's story maybe wasn't supposed to have a happy ending. Just as he zipped his last suitcase with clothes he heard a loud knock on his front door, he made his way down his stairs and opened the door, Dele's figured appeared. He stepped aside and let him in, asking _"What are you doing here?"_

Dele didn't answer, he just walked back and forth in Eric's hallway. 

 _“Please stop pacing, it's freaking me out,”_ Eric said. 

 _“So are you over me? Like truly, end our epic romance, over voicemail? Over me?”_ Dele asked. 

_“I know I'm over being sad all the time, wondering when you'll call. Do you have any idea how lonely I've felt these past few months?”_

_“But, I'm here now,”_ Dele says and places Eric's hand in his own, and for a moment, Eric hesitates, because Dele is here now. Before breathing and screaming _“So I had to break up with you to become important enough for you to come?”_

 _“Look, I'm sorry Eric, long distance is hard but I promise it will get better”_ Dele sounds convincing but Eric is having none of it, _“How? When was the last time we actually talked?”_

Dele looks at him in shock and doesn't answer because it's been several weeks.

 _“Yeah,”_ Eric says and turns around, walking faster.

Dele walks after in him and speaks out of desperation _“look, I get it, I've been far away and going to Real Madrid was a stupid choice, so I totally understand you making that kind of mistake by moving back to Portugal”_

Eric stops in his tracks, turns around and glares at Dele,  _“Portugal is not a mistake. It's been my rock, it helped me through this heartbreak,_ Eric says and motions between himself and Dele. _“My family there was there when you weren't, they bought a plane ticket here to see me.”_

Dele looks destroyed and Eric almost regrets his words when he see's the hurt in his eyes, they are full of tears. But he still manages to get out his last words, _“Eric please, I don't want our story to end this way, not like this”_ he says with a single tear falling down his left cheek.

 _“Our story ended months ago Dele, I need to move on,”_ Eric says in response and backs away from Dele.

 _"But I love you, and you love me"_  Dele speaks the truth, Eric knows, he knows it by the look on Dele's face. 

"You didn't even try Dele, we had so many chances, we could have made it work, we saw each other on international break. I know you're saying you don't wanna hurt me, Well, maybe you should show a little mercy, the way you look I know you didn't come to apologize." Eric states. 

 _I know there's nothing I can do to change it. But is it something that can be negotiated? My heart's already breaking, baby, go on, twist the knife._ Dele says with tears streaming down his cheeks. 

Eric moved closer to Dele, and whispered in his ear _"one more taste of your lips, just to bring me back to the places we've been and the nights we've had, because if this is it then at least we could end it right."_ He kisses Dele and says _"even though it's over you should stay tonight."_

 _"If tomorrow you won't be mine, won't you give it to me one last time?"_ Dele asks, pulls Eric closer and kisses him.  _  
_

Maybe _things could work out, after all, Eric thinks._

FIN.  

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am with a new Deledier fanfic for you all, I really hope you all enjoy it.  
> Parts of this story are inspired by the relationship between Patrick and Kevin from the drama series "Looking", also of the couple Eli and Clare from the drama series "Degrassi." 
> 
> The fanfic has got some lyrics included from One Directions song "Love You Goodbye", I think it suited very well into the context, it also inspired me to write this story. 
> 
> Please feel free to leave kudos and comments below, it means a lot!


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